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Morning Paper Stew

Good Morning, Saturday.

An early Saturday morning.

I awoke exactly at 4:25a.m. freaking out that I had to get up and go to Work/Educate

I had only been in slumber for maybe 1.5 hours?

Then, it hit me like a wall, it’s Saturday.

I actually had no concept of days and what was occurring around me.

But, I did remember this Work Week and last evening with Him.

My Friday night should have been, quiet, peaceful, relaxing.

Instead, errands, lifting,

Catbox.

Waiting.

Waiting.

Waiting.

When I explained to him, it had to be an early evening since my Parents are coming down today.

He ended up leaving around 1:30a.m only to come back at 1:55a.m to apologize for what he did *(I also received apologies via text when he made it back to his place).

I don’t feel the same anymore after what occurred last evening.

Actually, I don’t feel the same about many things.

But, that is to be expected when what has happened, happened and I’m going to feel the outcome.

Today.

My Parents are coming down for a necessary visit.

I just spoke with my Mother, and it’s going to be a short and sad visit due to the conversation and strains.

So, I guess I’ll have March 23 as a memory of the best visit we had in a year.

Every corner of my outside World and inside me is in pain, chaos.

And I wish it didn’t have to be.

Just like future today,

The Visit doesn’t have to be sad, but my Mother has decided that’s what it’s going to be.

After their Visit, He is supposed to come over later.

It’s impossible when everywhere I belong, there is a twist and wrench bringing me down.

What’s on the record player *(Metaphor, but I did used to own one. And I bought my Parents a really nice one for Christmas 7 years ago. That they’ve used once.)

Neil Young

After The Gold Rush, 1970.

Track?

Don’t Let It Bring You Down *(Annie Lennox’s version is in the film American Beauty).

This track is perfect for a reminder that it’s not my fault for other individuals emotional distress and how they handle *(or not) towards me.

I am tired of it.

Reaction is everything to me, and I’m always the punching bag then expected to just get right back up and feel, love, get-along.

I’m losing that way.

I feel branches tearing from the roots.

Bare, my Soul,

Tired.

“Old man lying
by the side of the road
With the lorries rolling by,
Blue moon sinking
from the weight of the load
And the buildings scrape the sky,
Cold wind ripping
down the alley at dawn
And the morning paper flies,
Dead man lying
by the side of the road
With the daylight in his eyes.

Don’t let it bring you down
It’s only castles burning,
Find someone who’s turning
And you will come around.

Blind man running
through the light
of the night
With an answer in his hand,
Come on down
to the river of sight
And you can really understand,
Red lights flashing
through the window
in the rain,
Can you hear the sirens moan?
White cane lying
in a gutter in the lane,
If you’re walking home alone.

Don’t let it bring you down
It’s only castles burning,
Just find someone who’s turning
And you will come around.

Don’t let it bring you down
It’s only castles burning,
Just find someone who’s turning
And you will come around.” Don’t Let It Bring You Down by Neil Young


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