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Weekend Carousel

Saturday.

Is it Saturday?

I’m once again sunk in bed with a Sinus Infection.

This time, no Prescription due to no Insurance.

I’m hoping the few I have left from the last round will be sufficient enough to get me back up.

I’m also overly tired. In the sense it’s unusual.

Yes, I didn’t sleep the greatest this past Work week, but that is not a new concept to my body *(or mind).

So, Coffee.

K-Cup.

Eight O’Clock.

Original.

With a splash of water and Silk Vanilla Almond Milk Creamer.

Coffee is a Sinus Infection’s Nightmare, but I’m so tired, I need to snap it up and open my body and mind.

I only have one errand to run today and my usual Therapy Session at Noon, but my eyes are closing to erase the things I have to do.

I am Sad.

Sunday, is my Mother’s Birthday.

I wanted to take the Train, but the Tickets were too expensive *(My second Pay from my new Job was incorrect again).

I thought about driving to see her.

I now drive 82+ Miles M-F.

Why couldn’t I make the 111 Mile(one-way)/ 1 Hour 41 Min. Trip?

Dysautonomia.

I haven’t driven a distance in that capacity since early March 2015.

I also haven’t been able to purchase anything for her Birthday either.

For the first time in my Adult Life, I actually do not know what she wants/needs.

I mean, I had not been to my Parents House in 14 Months, and prior to that, it was rarely a short visit Post-Dysautonomia.

I never felt Welcomed.

One, Driving.

Two, they made me feel unwelcome, a burden.

They stopped driving to my old Duplex after March 2015.

So, how would or should I feel?

This carousel of emotions is making my stomach churn.

Or, that could be the Infection, Coffee, Dysautonomia.

But, I truly wanted to visit her.

Last year I’m unsure of her Birthday Plans were due to the fact I was relocating/moving in 10 Days after, but the year before, I believe I drove to my Parents House. *In 2015, I couldn’t drive period, so my Father came to pick me up.

Prior to March 2015, I always took her out for her Birthday *(When Schedules collided).

Pedicure, Shopping, Dinner.

Or She would come over for a fabulous meal, gifts, rented movie *(With my Father).

Now, I’m stuck.

I don’t feel well. Really sinking from another Sinus Infection, unusually exhausted, and how am I going to get there?

Plus, no Presents.

So, another Saturday alone?

Laundry, Cleaning, Errands.

This is my life now.

And it’s blue.


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