6:23 a of am when I opened my eyes.
Apart of why I started this Blog. *Spring Semester 2013, I was only Teaching Tuesdays/Thursdays. So, I wanted to keep working on my Book. And to write on the days I was not Educating.
MondaysWednesdaysFridays was born.
Now, back to present.
Could I ever imagine things could get worse?
My first Paycheck from my new Job was short. A lot.
I could not fulfill the arrangement I made with my Current Landlord, and my Finances are in a state of emergency, which has led my Depression to the end of its time.
Today, is actually a Holiday.
I do not get paid today like most.
So, My next Paycheck will be short too.
I can’t make it anymore.
I receive no OT, Spending $150.00 a Week on Gas, and it’s literally impossible to survive.
I’m striking out on finding a place near my new Job as well.
Last evening, I didn’t get settled until after 7:45p.m.
I had to wait for my Landlord to come.
I wanted to just sit on my Enclosed Porch with my Fursons and relax.
But, I physically couldn’t.
So, I completed a load of laundry and watched (for the Fourth Time)
David Cassidy: The Last Session.
I watched it again *(just after re-viewing it this past Sunday) due to the significant amount of tragedy we both share.
There’s a 40 year old Interview of him stating “I was in the bathtub alone and there was a collapse.”
My collapse was, Texas 2008.
I was alone.
Driving 190 Miles A Day for 9 Months to my Job, No Friends *(with the exception of my Dogs), and my Ex-Husband Deployed again.
I returned to the States in 2008 from China.
I was on this cosmic high that it would be easy to find a Job now and live a better life until he returned home.
I was Unemployed for four Months.
First Job in Texas fell through after 6 Weeks due to no Budget *(I was hired to Manage/Develope an ESL Program), but with luck the CEO of the Schools found a place for me at another school as an ESL Teacher.
So, I drove 190 Miles a day *(4 days a week. We had Fridays off) for the following nine months.
But, inside, I was unraveling.
Chapter 1 of my Collapse.
Chapter 2 would be 2012 when I isolated myself that year.
Then Chapter 3 would be 2016.
Chapter 4, 2017-Present.
My eyes are closing as it is only 8:35 ante meridian and the weather is already torching the sunrise through my windows, burning me.
I wanted to sleep today.
To forget, it is a day off for a Holiday, but I do not get paid for it and the Financial Emergency I’m currently in that is drowning every particle of my existence, and just to have peace today.
Tachycardia, Blood Pooling, Headache, Had Extreme Vision Issues last night *(haven’t experienced that in months).
I will return later as my mind is calling my dreams.
I meet the moment of sleep, it invites me in, but my anxiety keeps sleep at the door.
So, I play The Cowboy’s Lament by Jewel.
The first time I heard it was May 11, 2018. I had a tear fall as I sat in the darkened room.
The song made me feel and think about my Leonardo. My Sweet Boy.
And now, how’s it’s been over 3 months since his sudden passing, and how his Spirit is here in Ashes.
How I want to be with him.
I’m so alone Leonardo and Mommy is struggling more than ever.
Mommy is in trouble, mentally that someone called 211 in-concern.
I was going through David Cassidy’s Music Catalog, and came across a song that is supposed to be heard as up-beat, happy. But, there is a deep sadness in his voice. He was 24 at the time the Album was released.
Three days later.
I return to this post.
I’m now in the first stage of another Sinus Infection.
I’m worn down, ears, throat, and obvious, nasal all hurting and uncomfortable.
I definitely cannot afford to get sick now and miss work.
Last evening, Friday I didn’t rest my bones until after 8:30p.m
Long drive home, two errands, cleaning.
I decided to sit out for a short hour on my Enclosed Porch with my two Cats.
The weather, dramatically changed.
It was almost 30° Cooler than on Wednesday.
I think the change affected my new Infection.
I also returned to
David Cassidy: The Last Session.
I made it half way and paused where I wanted to.
I wanted to re-view certain clips of the Special.
What I’m going through.
I was not feeling well *(The new Infection had already started it’s race), so I zoomed around on my Roku then to bed.
Only to sleep at 5:45a of m.
I did manage an extra hour.
I have my Regular Therapy Session in forty minutes then a list of chores but I don’t want to aggravate the new Infection and waste tomorrow.
So much *(chores) has to get done today too.
Too much is happening in my life
And now, I am sick again.
I need something and someone.