7:25 a of m on the dot.
It’s strange that I wake at the exact same time every Saturday and Sunday.
Or maybe my Mind just hits the 5 or 6 hour mark, and wakes up my tired body.
Last Night, I did enjoy some time with my two Cats *(On my Enclosed Porch), but I wasn’t feeling 100%. My Dysautonomia. So, I was uncomfortable, but I wanted to let my babies have their fun.
As we were outside, the (part) Blue Russian came by again. This time, standing at the Enclosed Porch Screen Door.
I was devastated, I almost cried.
I didn’t let him on the porch *(Outside Cats carry stuff that I don’t want my Cats to acquire).
I ran to the kitchen, and remembered I had a mini bag of Food from when I adopted/rescued my latest, Zeta.
I filled up a Cup of Food and then a Cup of Water.
When I went back onto to the Enclosed Porch, he was lying on the stairs that lead up to the Screen Door. When I opened the door, he ran down. I put the food at the bottom of the stairs. He came over and ate a few bites. and then disappeared. *(Not like the last time when I fed him two slices of turkey lunch meat and he stayed around the house).
The Blue Russian made me think of my Leonardo. Like I could feel his spirit.
This Friday marked three months since my Leonardo passed away. It hit me hard Friday morning and even harder Friday evening driving home from Work.
The mourning crept up yesterday too, and I just thought about how everything that has occurred since Nov. 2017.
As I try to relax, I think about the Weekend at my Parents House. One, time flies. It’s already been four weeks since I made the Trip. Two, how I didn’t feel darkness when I was there. *(As I stated before, as soon as I stepped my foot into my rented house, I felt this overwhelming darkness). Like something else would occur. *(And it did. I lost my Job 10 Days later, and someone that I have called Sissy (Sister) for seven years ended nineteen days later). It’s as if I was being warned. I even felt it on the Train. A shift in emotions. How I have not been happy here in almost eight months.
How I’ve lost everything.
And how I’m still losing the battle with Financial Crisis, My Health, Being Solo.
Today, I just want to rest, sleep.
My body has to be ready for tomorrow.