Saturday Afternoon, Sedation.
My body is in so much pain, I feel like I’m lying on nails.
I began my new Job on Monday.
Everything is great with the exception of no Over-Time *(And, I’m spending more on gas due to the distance).
Has collapsed me already, but I have no other choice.
Let’s start from the beginning:
I awoke, 7:25 sunrise, my body/mind like clock work never letting me rest past 8:00a.m.
I try for another two hours of dreams.
I then was in over-drive regarding
I couldn’t make the Work Event Today I Signed up for *(Could have possibly made a little. It Was A Church Yard Sale).
I recalled last evening during my downward spiral, and how I finished watching Gia.
I still have no sympathy for the end, but the tragedy of certain components of her life is what draws me in *(The relationship she had with her Mother).
After the Film, I couldn’t find something to get in to, so I just went to bed. The latest hour since last Saturday.
I had my Afternoon Appt. with my Therapist *(Always via Telephone), and we had not spoken in over a Week.
Communication today was okay.
When my physical self is in destruction, My Mental self gets stuck.
I then decided to try another time for dreams.
Again, two hours of success. *(But, assistance from Medication an hour before my Session was the reason I could close my eyes).
My body needs it, even though I have a lot of house chores to do.
This makes me reflect back on certain eras of my life.
Saturday Morning were at its finest during my Undergrad. Years and First Grad. School Years *(Minus Chemotherapy year 2 in Graduate School #1).
Saturday Mornings consisted of waking up around 10:00a.m *(later if it was a “Happy Hour” Friday Night).
I cleaned my Dormroom top to bottom *(Laundry, Dusting, Vacuuming, Organizing, And Mopping. Swiffler was new then. The Mop Version.
Hang-Out with my Closest friends, then hitting the Rec. Center *(for one year, I worked out, 7 Days A Week. That was during my Relapse).
Then, relax, take a nap *(if needed) and figure out Saturday Night Plans.
Grad. School #1/Year 1, Saturday Mornings were Afternoons. It was a strange concept when routine as an Undergrad. was so rigorous and Classes were in the a.m or mid-afternoon *(I was one of the few in my groups/posses that took Evening Classes a few Semesters).
Graduate School, Classes were only on the p.m (with only one in the afternoon my First Semester because it was an Undergraduate Course, but I was told I would get Graduate Credit due to my extra Work and Portfolio. No, I did not. But, I received an A in the Class).
Saturday Morning-Afternoons were different depending on how hung-over I was, or how tired I was from Work *(Or if I had to go to Work on a Saturday), or what chores needed to be completed before I studied.
Yes, One Studies everyday in Grad. School *(Especially, we English Majors).
Funny thing, I drank more in Graduate School than as an Undergrad.
*Year 2 would be different.
I was on Chemotherapy for the first 8 Months of Graduate School #1/Year Two.
Now, Sunset is approaching.
I ran one Errand, Vacuumed, and cleaned the Cat Box.
Dysautonomia kicking my ass.
I would like to end this Saturday, relaxing with my two Cats *(On my Enclosed Porch), without anxiety and running in my mind.
I am not sure what Film will be on the roster this evening, but I need something with light.
*Especially, after having to ask my Landlord for the first time, If I could pay Rent partially in July *(Two Payments).
I’m glad I did.
Too much stress creates complete chaos for Dysautonomia and my Depression.
How I’ve grown accustomed to change and being Alone.