9:39 ante meridiem
I’ve been lying here awake since 7:25 a of m, putting the pieces together.
Yesterday was such a bizarre twisted, hurtful day that led into an oblivious evening.
My Dysautonomia is on-fire *(nothing knew), and I’m still putting together the pieces from last night.
After my hurtful late afternoon ended, I listened to two sessions of Guided Meditation and after thought about what had occurred and I tried reaching out to my Mother via Message, but she was too busy with dinner/movie at my Parents house.
I had no outlet to express the awful I felt.
So, I tried to relax and I couldn’t. Not after being Let-Go just three days prior, and falling.
Then I remembered a Special on A&E was Airing that I really wanted to see.
So, I climbed out of bed and completed my night routine, and watched the Special.
I then decided to sit on my Enclosed Porch with my two Cats. I was falling asleep. The weather was perfect. I just wanted the wind to carry me away.
After I realized how tired I really was, I was headed to bed, but then anxiety came, knocking on my door.
So, I watched Mrs. Doubtfire. *(Almost all. I made it to the Dinner Scene).
I wanted to watch something that was light, happy.
I had to take a time-out, away from this piece.
I have lost everything, and I need help.
I had to take another time-out step away from this piece.
First, my telephone went off asking to take “Immediate Shelter” due to a Tornado.
I fell asleep later, waking to absolutely terrifying panic.
I was having an Anxiety Attack during a R.E.M Cycle, and it woke me.
My heart was racing, my stomach (still upset from yesterday), I was dizzy, and my sight was off balance, almost fuzzy.
Then I recognized why I was in the middle of this pain: I was Terminated.
In my Twelve Year Career, I’ve never been “Let-Go” from any Teaching Position.
But, this “Teaching” Position was more of a Daycare, so I feel ashamed.
Ashamed that will all my Education and Teaching experience, Here, Abroad, an Online, I get Let-Go from a place like this?
But, my Termination was never about Job Performance. It was Hearsay. *(I read reviews about other Locations, and I am Not the only one.
Those are the emotions that I have felt since I was Let-Go, and the past 7 Months.
My eyes want to close again.
I don’t understand why I’m so tired.
No, I don’t sleep much, but I’ve battled with Insomnia since Childhood.
Now post meridiem.
Clouds, birds chirping, and a stillness both inside and out.
I thought I was going to make it.
I was so excited about our Summer Camp Program, Returning to our new Building, and waiting for what the future held for me at this Job.
Yes, my Dysautonomia was extremely affected by the Job and the hard work I did, but I was taking it a day at a time, hoping my Body would last, We (Me and my two Fursons) would be ok. And, eventually, I could repair my depleted Retirement Fund.
I’m trying my best to be Positive, that on Tuesday, I will receive a quick start Date, and yes the drive will be killer, but again,
One day at a time.
But, time has to be now.