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‘Les Yeux Sans Visage’

As I listen to this album, Greatest Hits by Billy Idol *(whom I’ve loved since I was kid), “Eyes Without A Face” is such a fantastic track.

It’s very different from all his main stream music. There’s a sadness, dark element to the lyrics, then with the French Chorus sung by his Female Back-up Singers, translated into English by himself then that riff and almost angry poetic end.

Even the music critics hailed this track as

The music plays against the dark tone of the lyrics with a ballad-styled melody comprised of yearning verses that slowly build emotion and a quietly wrenching chorus that relieves the emotional tension in a cathartic manner.” AllMusic Journalist, Donald A. Guarisco.

The relationship I’ve had with this track has changed depending what is occurring in my life, but there is still the same undertone of sadness everytime I listen to it on repeat.

Now, I listen because I do not understand all this rejection, loss.

Loss: of my Career, Income, Relationships.

Rejection: of possibilities, assistants, and Relationships.

I’m all out of hope
One more bad dream could bring a fall?

There is so much truth. My Disability. My Loss Of Career, Income. The Fact I Have To Work From Home And It Was Stripped From Me For Nothing I Did Wrong.
When I’m far from home
Don’t call me on the phone
To tell me you’re alone

The Pain From Being Alone And Not Even Allowed To Return Home.
It’s easy to deceive

My Career. How They Treated Me. Relationships, How People Can Just Treat Another Person Is Unbelievable.

I spend so much time
Believing all the lies
To keep the dream alive
Now it makes me sad
It makes me mad at truth
For loving what was you

It’s so painfully difficult to actually re-read these set of lyrics because I did believe in it all and now I’m left with nothing (literally).

I kept my dream alive as a dedicated Educator only to be thrown away, my hardwork, erased.

The next set of lyrics is the emotional prose. A fast storm of almost rage.

Then

Now I close my eyes
And I wonder why
I don’t despise
Now all I can do
Love what was once
So alive and new
But it’s gone from your eyes
I’d better realize.”

This is me. I’m not the same due to my Disability, this is obvious, reality.

But, after my Best Friend took his life 18 Months Ago, the reflection I see in photographs post his Death, the light, happiness is gone from my eyes.

All I did/do to remain was continue to be successful at my Career (now different not on my behalf) and keep my secret as it is killing me.

There’s no coming back from that, as I know from surviving three extreme attempts on my own life.

Idol ends this perfect track

Such a human waste your eyes without a face
And now it’s getting worse.” Eyes Without A Face.

Truth in all dimensions. But, with no support(Financial, Relationships), why the fuck should I care?


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