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Outcast Live

Monday.

I want to forget about yesterday.

My last Post Love Matchbox, well that bled over into last evening.

I was correct on my intuitions that there was a shift, but I was not prepared nor expecting an attack via text.

It left me even more drained, depleted from what’s currently happening in my world.

Then another individual from the same Site was very friendly. Asked for a Facebook request, and we remained ‘friends’ for a total of 4 minutes. *He removed himself.

I messaged him “Good Riddance” and removed him from my inbox on the Site.

What happened to people?

I should be more specific.

What happened to Men?

Before I Became Disabled, it seemed so easy to meet someone and just let things connect if it was meant to be.

Now, I’m like a universal pariah.

Job, Gone.

Income, Gone.

Things in my life, Gone. *(Incuding Friendships, Pets, My Will).

I don’t understand what happened.

As I lie here with Tachycardia, severe pain, stomach torture and a sinus headache, I feel like the outside is collapsing ontop of me.

Like, I’ll open my eyes, and I’ll be under all this rubble, bricks, walls, ceilings, and stones.

Earlier before I was verbally attacked *(as well as my character), I called my Mother, pleading with her that I have to come home.

Her response: Everyone has stress. I have stress everyday.

What?!

So, in the end, where will I be?

I’m a liability
I’m a liability
Much for me
You’re a little much for me, no no no no
Whatcha gonna do?
All of the dreams that get harder
All of the things that I offer you
And, and all of the shit that [I] harbour

[…]

Maybe all this is the party
Maybe the tears and the highs we breathe, oh no
Maybe all this is the party

[…]

But you’re not what you thought you were (Reach Me)
But you’re not what you thought you were (Leave).” Lorde


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