I am so empty, today.
“People who are always taking care of their health are like misers who are hoarding a treasure which they have never spirit enough to enjoy.” Laurence Sterne
I found that quote exactly five years ago today.
Always the same.
As I wait for my 10:00a.m Class to begin (Student is late), I try to focus, recall what happened to me this past Friday.*VERY bad (Medical) News.
But, with so much Medication coarsing through my liver, I’m at best half-dead.
I saw 6:21a.m on my Mobile as I was in a deep, underground kind of sleep. I thought I had missed the entire day.
My Student was a ‘No-Show,’ and I don’t Teach again for another 5.5 Hours *(Sundays were my back-to-back Teaching Days. Sometimes, up to 7 Hours on Sundays).
Return to this early morning.
The room, semi-cold, the smell of a dirty catbox, and dehydration.
As I pour myself a glass(my Sugar Skull Glass was ice cold. Mine are also really from Mexico. A gift from my Mother) of Simply Lemonade (it’s been making me ill again), I start dishes, and try to figure out my Plan for today.
I am so tranquilized from Meds and Stress, I’m stumbling to get from point A to point B.*(I could barely put everything away in the refrigerator).
But, I knew I had to Educate, so I get in my head and prepare no matter how much pain I’m in.
As I begin my Work Routine, my Dreams are still playing.
Strange images of real people and places.
I never dream about my Father.
But, we were living at the House of Horrors (that place is a blueprint in sleep).
But, it was present time, and I was taking out the garbage, but the garbage bin I have here *(It’s the smallest City Container I’ve ever seen/used, thirteen Gallons).
And A girl I knew in Highschool and worked at the Science Lab with my Junior Year (her Sophomore year) was there.
The lawn needed to be cut, as I was wheeling out the baby garbage bin. I could hear my Father talking to my Friend, in good spirits.
It seems as if my Father was going to be repairing/remodeling work on the HOH, and he wanted my assistance (as he did in waking life when I was a young girl).
Something interrupted my R.E.M Cycle as the clock continued
This discontinue of time occurs every morning.
Now, that I look back, (as an Adult), since 2015, Post Disability.
I suffer from Insomnia (since childhood), but I would go through cycles, some worse than others.
Since July 2016, it’s never stopped, the continuous waking and fast sleeping.
Now, I just want to close my eyes and sleep until my next Class, so I will have the Strenght to Clean: Vacuum, more Dishes, and Catbox. *(I’m HOPING no shoveling. Let the warmer weather today melt it all away).
Strange, I was going through photographs on my Mobile, and I found a collection from September 23, 2016.
I was visiting my Parents.
The light, once again, gone from me eyes. I can see the pain.
I know why, and I attribute many changes within myself and with others due to the circumstances of what happened that September.
The Photograph in particular:
It’s 13 past, I have to take my Disability Medication.