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Sandman Once Removed

I am so empty, today.

People who are always taking care of their health are like misers who are hoarding a treasure which they have never spirit enough to enjoy.” Laurence Sterne

I found that quote exactly five years ago today.

Always the same.

As I wait for my 10:00a.m Class to begin (Student is late), I try to focus, recall what happened to me this past Friday.*VERY bad (Medical) News.

But, with so much Medication coarsing through my liver, I’m at best half-dead.

I saw 6:21a.m on my Mobile as I was in a deep, underground kind of sleep. I thought I had missed the entire day.

My Student was a ‘No-Show,’ and I don’t Teach again for another 5.5 Hours *(Sundays were my back-to-back Teaching Days. Sometimes, up to 7 Hours on Sundays).

Return to this early morning.

The room, semi-cold, the smell of a dirty catbox, and dehydration.

Good Morning!

As I pour myself a glass(my Sugar Skull Glass was ice cold. Mine are also really from Mexico. A gift from my Mother) of Simply Lemonade (it’s been making me ill again), I start dishes, and try to figure out my Plan for today.

I am so tranquilized from Meds and Stress, I’m stumbling to get from point A to point B.*(I could barely put everything away in the refrigerator).

But, I knew I had to Educate, so I get in my head and prepare no matter how much pain I’m in.

As I begin my Work Routine, my Dreams are still playing.

Strange images of real people and places.

My Father.

I never dream about my Father.

But, we were living at the House of Horrors (that place is a blueprint in sleep).

But, it was present time, and I was taking out the garbage, but the garbage bin I have here *(It’s the smallest City Container I’ve ever seen/used, thirteen Gallons).

And A girl I knew in Highschool and worked at the Science Lab with my Junior Year (her Sophomore year) was there.

The lawn needed to be cut, as I was wheeling out the baby garbage bin. I could hear my Father talking to my Friend, in good spirits.

It seems as if my Father was going to be repairing/remodeling work on the HOH, and he wanted my assistance (as he did in waking life when I was a young girl).

Something interrupted my R.E.M Cycle as the clock continued

6:21a.m

7:15a.m

8:42a.m

9:13a.m.

This discontinue of time occurs every morning.

Now, that I look back, (as an Adult), since 2015, Post Disability.

I suffer from Insomnia (since childhood), but I would go through cycles, some worse than others.

Since July 2016, it’s never stopped, the continuous waking and fast sleeping.

It’s exhausting.

Now, I just want to close my eyes and sleep until my next Class, so I will have the Strenght to Clean: Vacuum, more Dishes, and Catbox. *(I’m HOPING no shoveling. Let the warmer weather today melt it all away).

Strange, I was going through photographs on my Mobile, and I found a collection from September 23, 2016.

I was visiting my Parents.

The light, once again, gone from me eyes. I can see the pain.

I know why, and I attribute many changes within myself and with others due to the circumstances of what happened that September.

The Photograph in particular:

Debilitation

Sorrow

Empty.

It’s 13 past, I have to take my Disability Medication.


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