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The Anti-Valentine

I open my eyes, 9:01 ante meridiem.

Wow, it’s past 8 in the morning?

*I usually fall asleep after 2:00a.m

Last night was epic.

My filthy, stealing, vulgar neighbors finally moved, I taught Three Classes (spread out from morning to evening/Three Cancellations as well), Drove(awful) and Collapsed in store.

Made it home (barely), unloaded what was needed, tried to clean/straighten up, Collapsed again, and again. *I was able to eat. I managed two Microwave 3 Corn Tortillas with a few slices of Store Brand Mozzarella.

I did conclude the evening by watching a few Episodes of one of my favorite Television Shows(via Roku), and watch about 35 minutes of Children of a Lesser God. *(I purchased Marlee Matlin’s Autobiography I’ll Scream Later, so I wanted to get more of an aspect of Character versus Reality (I have never purchased an Autobiography. I’m a Beat. Not my style).

The (Used) Book will be delivered today. Hardback (What I prefer if reading material like this).

This purchase was intended for my Special Day yesterday. Since I can no longer go out treat myself (Pedicures was usually the choice), I decided on this Book.

It happens so, I will receive it on Valentine’s Day.

I wrote this

February 14, 2015 on my Social Media Page:

These Last 3 Years Being Without My S.O(& his behavior toward me) & True Friendship, I’ve Learned Alot About Life, Friendship, & Love.
I’ve Learned That Love Is A Bare Emotion That Only Fulfills A Temporary Space.
“I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made love up inside my head.)”
Sylvia Plath

Still holds true.

God, to think how many Valentine’s Days passed by and nothing from my Ex-Husband. *Not even when we were living together.

Funny, I had to reply to a few emails, and I looked at my Folders and I had not opened the Folder titled my Ex-Husband’s first name since 2015.

The last email from that account was

March 12, 2015. I bought him an 8 Piece Pot/Pan Set. *(18 Days Later, I would become Disabled).

I bought the Cookware Online and had it sent to the closest store in his State, so he didn’t have any trouble picking it up.

I completely forgot I did that for him.

This is after he stopped speaking to me for six months. And the awful and condescending texts I received regarding how I can’t work because I am too sick *(Staphylococcus Infection that was one of the major causes of my Disability).

In the 10.5 Years we were Married, he never once celebrated Valentine’s Day.

2007, I on crutches, created a beautiful livingroom picnic and bought him Skechers.

2008, I was living/working in China.

2009, He was Deployed to Iraq (again).

2010, Nothing. And I had just had Surgery and was very ill.

2011, He was Deployed in Afghanistan.

2012, The beginning of Us not living together. He was Stationed in Hawaii from 2012-2014.

But, I acknowledged every single Holiday that mattered even when we were living apart until 2014 when he stopped speaking to me.

But, look, I sent him Cookware after six months of silence.

What does that say?

I wanted to work things out, even after all the tragedy.

Now that I reflect, the last time I got a true Valentine’s Day anything, I was in Fourth Grade (Highschool Boyfriend doesn’t count. Abuse, Rape, murder of Son, doesn’t vanish with a Valentine’s Day gift[flowers with a little bear] left in my parents bushes).

Fourth Grade. Kind of pathetic(in the sense that was the last genuine Valentine’s Day I experienced). *He was my Boyfriend, Kevin. He gave me a Teddy Bear and a Heart Shaped box of Chocolates. We were nine.

I remembered when I brought my gifts home, and my Mother was in complete awe and panic.

Don’t worry Mother, no one will ever care as much again.

So, today is like any other day.

Happy Valentine’s Day.

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