After releasing so much internal, personal sorrow about my Divorce, I started having intense flashbacks.
How controlling he really was.
Passive Aggressive from 2007-2012.
Then just blatantly cruel *(With the exception of October 2013. He came home for a visit [still Stationed in Hawaii] and his temperament was that of the past, how he was before we got Married. But, he was also drinking heavily and befriended a new group of people. Also, I had not seen him [physically] in over a Year, and that visit was destructive to say the least).
The specific memory that’s plays on is the 5 Months we lived together in Roach City/Murder Town.
I became severely injured on January 20, 2007. I was in the Army Emergency Room for hours. *I was on crutches for the next two months.
During those months, I still cooked, cleaned, did laundry (the washer/dryer was outside the Townhouse in a Storage Closet), and climbing 15 steps everyday to bed. *Oh yes, and sleeping on an air-mattress because he didn’t want to buy a bed. He did after my Parents begged him due to my extensive Back Problems and then my recent injury.
Not once, did he ever ask if I needed help. He just came home on his lunch break then after work then went on his computer for the rest of the evening.
By April 2007, I could walk again freely *(The injury I sustained is permanent)
And, that’s when he decided we could go “do stuff.”
*I did not have a Job (I applied like crazy), and he was only a Specialist, so money was extremely tight. **I NEVER demanded we do anything. I suggested “Date Night” once a Month and he said “No.” ***The weekends consisted of Boones Farm Sangria and Television Shows.
So, he decided that we take drives, get coffees, and take videos of that crippled town. We were actually so broke, we couldn’t afford batteries(AA) for the little digital camera we were using to make the Videos.
But, it made him happy.
My happiness didn’t matter.
And to look back at that know, is painful.
That’s a photograph I took in November 2008 while he was Deployed to Iraq (#2). This was our second residence in Texas. A railroad track was directly behind our subdivision and these were the War Machines heading to Iraq.
I was reminded everyday is some shape or form that he was Deployed.
I was alone. No Family, Friends, nor support from the FRG (Family Readiness Group).
But, I stayed. Driving those 190 Miles a day to my Teaching Job and taking care of two dogs all the while being shredded by PTSD and loving someone who never really loved me.