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The Dissolution Veil

I woke at 8:26 ante meridiem to remembering I don’t know what day it is, but I have one Class to Teach at 10:00a.m. *(I have my alarm set everyday, but my mind wakes my body strangely either at 7:26 or 8:26).

About 25 minutes ago, medical tragedy struck me. My Colon, bursting down, blood was intense.

I’m lying here now, pain from my Disability and uncomfortable from the bathroom scene.

Last night, I was quite weak, so I as a usual part of my life, lied in bed watching Netflix on my mobile device *(I had help paying my Mobile Bill. I still owe $28.00 for the Month of January. I still owe on my Electric Bill too, $52.23 for the month of January).

I wanted to escape, so I watched Stand-Up. *(I love Comedy Albums, but not actual Comedies).

I watched Jo Koy ‘Live In Seattle.’

I’ve been a fan of his since he was a re-occurring Guest on Chelsey Lately.

In 2010, I had Tickets to his Sold Out Show, but as it plays out, my Health would prohibit me from Attending the Show.

But, to my surprise, I received a Pink Tee Signed by Jo Koy. *(I gave the Tickets away).

The Netflix Special was good. He has aged since I’ve seen him perform anything, but I still found myself laughing.

After the Special, I got up to take care of my two Cats and decided to sit in the livingroom and watch a Film I researched earlier *(After re-viewing ‘Children of a Lesser God,’ I wanted to watch a Film starring William Hurt.

I found the Film, ‘Broadcast News,’ and planned my evening.

Lit two main candles (I NEVER turn on the lights in the house due to the income situation), settle the Cats then myself.

I forgot my DVD Player (hand-me-down) is out of order.

And I then was in a funk as I saw it snowing again (I shoveled this past Tuesday evening and Collapsed). *I’ll have to shovel again tonight, I have to leave tomorrow morning for an Appointment. And with the way my Colon is currently and my Compression Stockings not working, it will be bad).

Instead, I chose to watch my go to Film, The Big Chill (After finishing ‘Children of a Lesser God’).

I only watched about thirty minutes.

I was distracted.

I couldn’t enjoy my Saturday evening.

I knew I had to wake up early on Sunday (I wouldn’t mind if I was teaching my regular hours), shoveling, broken DVD Player, and reflection of what is.

What is: My Life and the direction it took going back to July 10, 2017.

I could not forsee my Ex-Husband ending it the way it did *(Forging My Signature, Lying, Stripping Me From Health Insurance).

I tried to Divorce him first in November 2015 (We seriously talked about it in 2012).

I was already Disabled and he was MIA. I found myself at the County Clerk’s Office retrieving Divorce Papers. I was shaking, holding back the tears.

I filled out the Forms and I e-mailed him letting him know what I was planning and sending to him.

He did not respond to my email for nineteen days. I gave my reasons why I was Filing for Divorce, you don’t care about me anymore.*As stated previously, he NEVER called after I became Disabled. He doesn’t even know the name of my Disability, why would I think he still cares about me.

He took another two weeks to send back the Papers, by then it was too late. *(I was able to File for a Specialized Divorce due to the fact he lived in another State, we don’t own any property, nor have Children). But, there was still a Deadline to File.

I clarified all of this to him.

When the New Year (2016) began, nothing was said. He did not contact me once in the entire year.

But, he decides in February 2017 to Serve me with Papers with no precautions?

What kind of Man acts like that?

Oh, I called his Attorney (As advised in the 65 Page Paperwork) for 2 Months.

Not one returned phone call.

So, he Forges my Signature on June 29, 2017 and I don’t find out until July 10, 2017 when I received an email stating I’m not eligible for Insurance anymore.

I searched for an Attorney in his State, and he informed me what he did was Legal. I could hire said Attorney and reverse the Descision, but he needed a 5 Grand Retainer. *(He did call both my Ex and my Ex’s Lawyer ‘Assholes”).

Conclusion?

He met somebody else.

In 2012, I said to him “if you meet someone else, just be honest with me.” *(I knew he was with someone when he was Stationed in Hawaii, but no hard evidence like what I found in 2017).

She is Divorced with two Children and has a good Job.

1. His Parents are hypocrites. I never met them due to his Mother *(I can’t have Children was a biggie). She met them.

2. She’s not Disabled or has extensive Health Problems, so money will never be an issue *(that’s all he ever cared about, Money).

After everything him and I experienced and went through (I was the ONLY person there during his Three Deployments), my Parents loaned him and I 10 Grand over the years we were married (His Parents, not a dime). And he never fought to be Stationed in a cooler Climate Texas, Hawaii, Georgia. I lived in Texas with him, I was sick everyday. I can’t live in hot weather. I have Stage II Sarcoidosis for fuck sake.

He didn’t care.

As I reflect now, he never cared about me. He just wanted to marry someone so he wouldn’t be alone anymore. And he knew about my extensive Health Problems *(As My Own Father told him after our Wedding Reception “Take care of her”).

I remember the first night in Texas like it was yesterday.

We drove straight through (17 Hours) in my S-10 pulling a U-haul (that ultimately damaging my Truck). We get there after 5:00p.m on January 5, 2007 (He had to Report back that Weekend).

After spending $500.00 of our Wedding Money on GAS, I knew there were problems.

We walk into our Townhouse and I asked if actually looked at the place before Signing the Lease, “No.” Roach City and Murder Town is where he moved us.

No furniture. Just my stuff in the U-haul.

But, I remained positive.

We went to the Supermarket then we picked up “Mexican” food from one of his favorite restaurants, Rosa’s Cafe.

We ate our first dinner together as Husband and Wife on the livingroom floor of our Townhouse. *(later it was his Townhouse because I didn’t pay Rent).

I was 26, he 25.

If I could turn back the Clock, I knew there were too many signs that we should have never gotten married. But, as I did, thinking with my heart, we could make it work.

I tried.

Even after he bashed my face into a bathroom towel bar at our last residence in Texas (leaving a permanent scar on my right eyebrow), him having a Mental Breakdown in December 2008 about PTSD and his Father, going through 2.5 Years of those Deployments with him, driving 190 Miles a day to Teach while he was Deployed and I was alone with no support, him never taking time for Us, it was always a division. Yes, I made terrible mistakes, and I always worked on being a better Wife, but I never did what he did to me in 2017.

And as I sat on my (late) Grandfather’s couch/Heavy Duty Futon and watched all of this like a movie, I became so withdrawn, I just went to bed.

Only to wake up to a bloody Colon, Disability on fire, prepared to Teach my one Class, and sit alone.

“I thought we had all the time

I was down to give you the world, instead you gave me hell
I lied, tried to be perfect and I played myself
And it hurts so bad, we coulda worked on that
Cause you say you love me, but real love don’t work like that.
The truth is, I left a piece of me in a piece I gave you
And I tend to laugh and crack a smile when things get painful

But, I need payback for all the time lost.”

I Azalea


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