Home » Uncategorized » Matter-of-Fact Soul

Matter-of-Fact Soul

I’m on overdrive.

Thank You to Dysautonomia, My current Income situation, and subconscious reflections.

The memories were woken last evening as I watched my new favorite contemporary Amazon Series on my Roku.

I have tried so hard to erase the thought he was ever my Soul Mate. And, I did.

But, how can I lie?

I remember the day we met.

August 6, 1999.

I was with my Parents and younger Brother at our local Chili’s Restaurant.

A Friday night at 18 with your Parents, how titillating.

It was late summer, so the sun was our light as dinner was on the menu.

As I was suffering severely from Anorexia-Nervosa, I just wanted a Diet Coke with a Lemon (We New Yorkers invented that shit long before any Beverage Corporation).

As I looked up from my sticky menu, there he was, turning the corner.

His brown eyes met mine. I looked right back with intensity. He didn’t look away, but rather confirmed he was my Soul-Mate.

My blue eyes shined as my Mother kicked me under the table, whispering “Who are you looking at?”

My Soul must have been naked at that moment.

Everyone could see us staring at each other.

Then he was gone.

*He was not our Server.

I sat there while everyone ate, thinking, contemplating all my sorrow from my High School boyfriend, the abuse, rape I endured, how could I ever love again?

But, as the sun began to set, I knew, he was the one.

We left the Restaurant, and as I climbed into our Minivan, I actually felt physically ill, like someone was punching me to get my attention.

That was my cue.

As soon as we returned home, I ran to my Teenage bedroom, and called the Restaurant.

The Hostess answered, and I said the following:

“Hi, I was just in there with my Parents and I saw a guy working there, short, cute, with brown curly hair.”

Reply: Oh, Neil. Yes.

Me: “I know this is crazy, but can I leave my number with you for him?”

Reply: Yeah, sure.

He called three days later.


  1. Amanda wathen says:

    My Soul must have been naked at that moment.
    This sentence gave me chills. I know the feeling all too well, and yet it has been years since I have felt this way, and of course the one I felt this way about was the most toxic relationship ever. I miss being vulnerable and emotional. Now I just am.
    Thanks for making me remember.
    Amanda Wathen

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: