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New Year’s Prelude

First Post Of The Year.

-5° Fahrenheit

Good Morning 2018.

I awoke 9:26 ante meridiem to sounds from above and dreams ending over to reality.

My Dysautonomia on-fire (Possible #tres mild Heart Attack last Tuesday (while driving)tsk tsk.

I begin my morning routine remembering it is New Year’s Day, oh and a Monday.

I enter the living room, candle wax is EVERYWHERE. Shit. Too hurt to clean right now.

My California Spangled is playing with a new toy (part of a set) jumping and running on the hardwood floor (I thought Cats slept in sunrise. My other Cat is comfortably warm).

1 Hour later I end up getting most of the wax, but I still have alot of polishing to do.

Pain. My Chest.


Blood Pooling/Low Blood Volume as well.

Starting of the New Year, I’m always intensely planning, resolving, re-newing.

Not this year.

I’m different now.

Yes, my Health is the same (worse/same depending on Health Issue), but Me.

I’m no longer Me.

I’m running out of time, literally.

No Income is my hourglass.

*I did visit with my Parents two days ago. Shockingly, it went well. After my birthday Weekend from hell, it took 4 Months for them to return. I’m hoping it’s not the last time they see me here.

Today, is another day, worrying, pain, sadness. I was invited to a New Year’s Eve Party last evening. (NYE, is one of my three favorite Western Holidays). I really wanted to attend. But as the hours ran, I was drowning. Too much stress. I can’t attend some stupid New Year’s Eve Party. I have no Income.

So, as many years prior (even before Dysautonomia), I spent the Holiday alone.

I’m disappointed. Truth. But, with no Income my life is over. There’s no celebrating that.

So, today.

Day 1 of 2018.

My freedom of time, ticking away.

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