April 9, 2017 makes it seven months.
Seven months from the time of your death and how long we existed together in time.
I don’t know how to let go, say goodbye.
But, as I move on, I have to let go of everything. I am not the same woman. Not just from Dysautonomia (Yes, I’m altered for life, but I mean a completely different Soul).
April 10, 2016, I was destroyed. Never to return. This change in my life shifted every fiber of my past, present, and disabled future.
Then, five months later, you die.
Abandoned was the theme of 2016, and I can no longer drown here inside it.
So, my decisions to leave, become someone else is all I have left to say.
You took your own life, an act I have tried to conquer since I was seventeen. And with all the loss I experienced before and after your death my Soul is gone.
I’m in complete darkness
And that’s fine.
Pain of division is nothing
Joy of dissolution is everything
‘Mother of creation wait, embrace the souls of a lost world
Carry them away
Darkness negative receptive
Pour firmament between our waters
Separate the space
Mother of destruction wait with a belt of
Skulls strap me down
And send the ship away
Progress with the process, mine the souls
From their casts
Pour form and reshape’ Mudvayne
*You would be so ashamed of where I am at. Giving in, tortured by someone else’s pain who sees me as a dishonest painful Woman, individual, Soul.
And as I uncover my mirror you know that’s Far from all truth.