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The Extinction Heart

​I understand now.

It had only been Eleven Days.

I had not communicated with anyone for 5.5 Months.

It was my loneliness, Isolation, Desperation.

In addition to my Medical Pain, being Disabled from Dysautomomia.

My entire life was rearranged.

I got it now, after all the hours and days of Why?

I NEVER had ANY expectations of falling.

Confusion was the illustration and lust my reality.

I was never hundred percent even when I made my choice/decision.

But, I know I loved you.

until you treated me second class again in June.

I don’t know how, but I remained in love with you even after you disappeared.

I carried you inside me, hoping for you to be reborn, run to me like you were in the beginning.

This is our one year empty anniversary.  The memories that remain unspoken, heartless, abandoned.

This is how I know you never loved me in return.

There was an Eclipse that evening, 1 year ago as we were becoming one.                                       Now, I think of our shattered past.

I let my sadness 

blind me

Why I couldn’t let you go.

But, I see now
Everything was a lie

I watched you

lost

ignoring me

you already destroying us.

And, I couldn’t walk away.

Not yet.

Two months passed

and I am crying

letting you win as you erased me.

You killed us before you ever ran-away.

And, I, living in the shadows as you disappeared completely.

‘There is no darkside of the moon really, a matter of fact it’s all dark.’  PF


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