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The Conclusion Door

The Great Disappointment.

November 2015.

I listened to this song everyday, it was the beginning of my end

I knew all along.

The bed shook one late morning, trembling my Soul,

Warning me.

I heard it like thunder:

‘He is not the one.’

I lied there, waiting.

About 30 minutes later, it happened again.

Same voice,

‘He is not the one.’

I ignored it and closed my eyes feeling unsettled, sadness, death.

In between two worlds

somewhere, secretly 

understanding he would drown me.


One Year Ago Today To The Hour

We Met.

I drink my coffee alone looking at our past with only regret.  I don’t even remember what you look like. (since you no longer wanted to Skype with me beginning in January).  

I lost my focus with you. 

I kept my Devotion for you above my own heart.  Drowning in your Narcissism.

You treated me second class as you set foot back in Colombia.

I’ll never understand, but that’s fine now.     You no longer hold the key to my Soul.
After you vanished, I started to move on, away from the pain you caused me

Then you slid right back in, aware of when I was happy without you, asking for Forgiveness  (you never did) and our Friendship remaining for a Week.

You just left, again.
By then, I had moved on, spending time with someone else.  

This is why I told you there were no expectations between us.  I truly just wanted to be your friend.   It was a plea to be set free and I was when you made your decisions based on Nothing.

I then knew, you’re a fake.  There is nothing that will change my mind, and as I look back through our history of what it once was, it was always 

Lies.  

Nothing Else.

And as the years pass, I’ll recall less and less of you.
But, in the end,                                                              I won.

I learned how to love again, not from my heart, but my mind.
I met him when I was with you.  

When you ‘Ran-Away’ on  April 10, 2016, he was there, devastated for me. He could not believe how you could treat me like that, after how much love I gave you and did not receive in return.  

*He passed away Friday, September 9, 2016.

Gabriel,

Your silence is not a victory, but rather shades of weakness.

I did nothing to you for your final decisions/actions to be the epilogue of our Relationship then Friendship.

I got it now.  I regret the day I extended myself to you one year ago.                                                 Not in anger but awareness.

There are only two things I learned from you:

You are not a man. 

And

You were never the one.

That’s infinite knowledge that has given me peace and healed my Soul.

What drew us together:

Jackson Pollock.

That’s all we ever had.  I was just a girl you met and kept around to fill your ego and loneliness.

And, as the door closes forever today, my Soul conclusion is forget about our plans to marry,  you never loved me.

That’s fine.  

I can continue on with the Truth.


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