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Life After Death

On March 29, 2016,
The Plano Police and Fire Department Were Called To My Home (Duplex) Due To A Well-Being Check.
The Plano Police Department Did NOT Want To Enter The Property, But Regarding The State Of The Well-Being Call,
It Was A Suicide Call, The Fire Department Override The Police Department And With A Battering Ram, Entered The Property I Rent.
I Was Not Home At The Time.
*(I was actually at my local Pub, that I frequented every Tue/Thur after Work).
When I Returned Home, I Noticed Two Letters Stuck To The Now Cracked Door.
*(Both the Deadbolt and Door Handle were busted completely).
The Letter Gave Me Information To Call The
Sergeant Who Was On The Scene.
He Came Over, Fixed The Deadbolt (I had to go buy a new one) And Located My Two Missing Cats.
He Said He Was Against Entering The Property Because In Fact, I Was Not At Home, And My Mobile Phone Was Off (I always turn it off when I’m Educating and that evening, I did not turn it back on while at the Pub).

After The Sergeant Left,
I Had To Deal With The Mess The Fire Department Left.
Then, My Eight Year Old Dog Was Missing For 1 Hour 45 Minutes Due To The Back Gate Being Left Open.
As Well As The Pain From My Plan Being Interrupted.

On 03302016, I Was Going To End My Life On
The One Year Anniversary Of My Dysautomomia.

I Only Told ONE Person.
She Did Not Want Me To Die, So She Felt It Was Necessary To Make The Call.
*She Also Lives Hundreds Of Miles Away From Me.

I Have An Extensive History With Suicide And Ideation.
My First Attempt Was April 1998.
I Was 17.
I Consumed Eighteen Pills
(I counted them one by one).
I Woke Up, And Was Rushed To The Emergency Room.
My Second Attempt Was August 1999.
Again, Pills.
I Then Was Placed Into A Private Mental-Health Facility.
My Third Attempt Was October 2010.
This Plan Would Be Different.
I Knew Pills Couldn’t End Me, So I Made A Noose With A Belt.
The Noose Broke.
I Lived.

After 03302015, I Knew The Ideation Would Begin Again.

November 2015.
I Parked My Ex-Husband’s 2003 Chevy Suburban On The Route 126 Train Tracks, Waiting For The BNSF Freight To Take Me Out.
But, The Plan Was Broken When My Friend Called And Wanted To Talk About Her Problems.
*I did mention I was parked on
Railroad Tracks, and she begged me to drive away.
I Did.

So, 03302016.
This Time, Would Be
The End.
A Trip To Home Depot To Purchase A Box Of Razors, And On Midnight Of 03302016, A Warm Bath To Keep My Veins Alive As I Slit My Wrists.
*I told her My Plan Verbatim.
And, Due To Our Friendship, Her Compassion,
The Alarming Secret I Gave Her,
She Saved My Life.

I Went To Visit Her Yesterday.
I Had Not Seen Her In 9.5 Years.
We Talked About Everything.
I Got To Meet Her Daughter.
*A Month Prior, I Bought Her A Beautiful White Sundress For When She Turns 18 Months.
But, I Could Not Make It To Her 1st Birthday Party, So I Brought It With Me For Our Visit/Reunion.

Everything Was In The Right Place.

Yes, Dysautomomia Has Disabled My Life,
But, My History With Suicide Is Serious, And Can No Longer Exist.


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