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‘Vitalogy’

It’s 3:00a.m and I am ordering my Groceries online.
I have not been able to shop(anywhere) since March 30, 2015 due to my Dysautonomia.
(Or for that matter, Work).

Debilitating.

I have not driven a car since
Thursday, April 2, 2015.
Again. Dysautonomia.

Devitalized.

As the two day remainder of my thirty-day heart monitor chirps, I am not giving myself pity, dejection.

Instead, I put my ear buds in and I find myself pressing play on
‘Immortality’ by Pearl Jam.
“I cannot find a comfort in this world.”

There’s something about that song that I have always associated my health to.
Maybe, The sadness in Eddie Vedder’s voice, the echo of tired guitars, the lyrics, different then any other on that album (or record).
There’s something fatigued, continuous with a touch of death, like myself.

I can plead and beg for a Doctor, A Specialist, anyone to end my suffering.
I can take all the Rxs in this Pharmaceutical World and still never be cured.
I can wake up and yes still see the sun.
But, to be demoralized by this disease, Dysautonomia is as if I’m already dead.

That’s the expression, the broadcast I’m contributing tonight to my forever, my chronic pain.

image

Vitalogy
“A listing of human physiology and health, written in the early 1900’s.” definithing.com


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