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Monthly Archives: May 2014

Life In Stills

I have had to make a
Formal Complaint to my former Employer’s HR Department.
The Statement:
Discrimination, Falsifying Documents,  and Breaking Privacy Act Laws.

It shouldn’t be like this.
Consistent fighting for justice, what is right.
My shadow is my health, which should accept compassion not torture.
I’m seen as a liability, a burden and not a human being with kindness, knowledge, and a design for success.


Instead, I have to beg for what should be an equal opportunity,
I don’t know how much more resilience I have.
The fight within is dimming.
I am becoming an abandoned home.
A structure that was once lived, occupied with love and optimism.
Now, after social neglect, boarded up to be silenced, demolished then forgotten.
This is how we, The Sick, have been made to live.

But, I will ask the eternal question:
When did the sick become the wasted?
Forgotten, washed away as if we were already dead.

“What three things can never be done?
Forget. Keep silent. Stand alone.
The hill of glass, the fatal brilliant plain.”
Muriel Rukeyser

Turn Me Dead

I had an emergency session with my Therapist this early afternoon.
It was a 911 text from a girl who is in crisis.

It brings me to a memory.
A former friend’s father.
He blew his head off in their family minivan while parked at a forest preserve.
I did not go to the Funeral.

People keep tearing me down.
I continue to build myself back up after every soul demolition.
Currently, it’s individuals trying to keep me away from success at my place of employment.
It is serious.
Lawsuit worthy.
Like many others in my past,
digging their fingers so deep it stops my heart, turning me dead.

I lie here, with nothing, in the black.
My former Psychiatrist warned me.
The truth heavy with consequences.
I see it all now.
It is what it seems.
Images of my end linger.


She will be forgotten.

Automatic Defect

Like the sign says, burn with consequences.

Well, I have fucking given up on this Country.
If I stay, I will die.
Not just in the literal sense, but in all forms of death by….

Today, like every other day, I had to fight for what’s right.
My GOVERNMENT Health Insurance rejected my monthly prescription refill.

My local Pharmacy didn’t bother to call, and my Insurance never informed me of policy changes.

So, I had to call the Insurance Pharmacy Hotline.
I was on hold for 45 minutes.
The woman was kind.
She directed me to the best advice she had to offer.
Yes, in the end, I paid $44 for GENERIC Meds., but that is by far my point.

Currently, my Significant Other is enduring Classified Training(while injured), and the Government cannot afford to run the dfacs, so the California Department of Corrections sent FOOD to the Soldiers Training.

The same Government that is aiding Ukraine with MILLIONS of US Dollars.
The same Government that invades other countries to install Democracy, which caused human casualties and BILLIONS of US Dollars.

But, the same Government cannot feed its Soldiers, pay for Healthcare, for Disability, for Social Security?

Then why implement these Programs in the first place?

Let’s all live like they do in
Cuba, Sweden, Denmark.
Socialized Medicine, Free Education, No Military regards, and Government Wages.
So, I have no expectations when failure happens on my hour of your time.

Instead, I choose to Defect.
Permanent separation from my given Citizenship.
(Ironically, I’m 1/4 Indigenous).

I have worked, matter of fact, slaved my life to this Country.
I have dying health, broken promises, infinite debt(Student Loans), military scars, and make poverty wages as a
COLLEGE Instructor.
(I made less then $4,000 US Dollars from January-May of this year.
I have TWO Master’s Degrees.
Where is the justification in that?
I get an advanced Education, so I can suffer)?

I was hoping for a
Revolution in my lifetime, but with the current state of my health, I can no longer wait for a cosmic change.


“Some folks are born made to wave the flag
Ooh, they’re red, white and blue
And when the band plays “Hail to the Chief”
Oh, they point the cannon at you, Lord

It ain’t me, it ain’t me
I ain’t no Senator’s son
It ain’t me, it ain’t me
I ain’t no fortunate one, no

Some folks are born silver spoon in hand
Lord, don’t they help themselves, oh
But when the tax men come to the door
Lord, the house look a like a rummage sale, yes

It ain’t me, it ain’t me
I ain’t no millionaire’s son, no, no
It ain’t me, it ain’t me
I ain’t no fortunate one, no

Yeah, some folks inherit star spangled eyes
Ooh, they send you down to war, Lord
And when you ask them, “How much should we give?”
Oh, they only answer, more, more, more.” Creedence Clearwater Revival