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Monthly Archives: November 2013

‘Joy Division’

March 2013.
I was diagnosed with
Severe Social Anhedonia.

I did not tell anyone until last week.
My Mother.

What is Anhedonia?
Social anhedonia is defined as a trait-like disinterest in social contact and is characterized by social withdrawal and decreased pleasure in social situations.
This characteristic typically manifests as an indifference to other people.”

http://www.wikipedia.org

I don’t know how to say it any other way.

” Should I fall out of love, my fire in the light; To chase a feather in the wind? Within the glow that weaves a cloak of delight, There moves a thread that has no end.

For many hours and days that pass ever soon, The tides have caused the flame to dim. At last the arm is straight, the hand to the loom; Is this to end or it just begin?” Led Zeppelin

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Epilogue
My future Brain Surgery is needed due to Left Occipital Nerve Damage.
Mental Health, and the lack of joy, would not bring upon surgical rainbows.

Lost In Lady

As I am infatuated with the moment drowning
‘The Runaways,’, my Cherry dreams are in color.
Have you ever kissed a Girl?
Not that PATHETIC ”song” by
a wanna be Betty Page.

No.
A moment, when the lights fade red to black. The silence is heavy.

Noel.
She was my first Brunette Queen.
I was born this way, so no wondering who I was.
The apple of two was beneath us, burning, peeling, blistering.

She was beautiful.
A Goddess of lies that made me crawl for more.
She knew it too, I would give it all.
Only to her.

She had me locked, keyed to her fear, her dreams of wanting more.
Freedom.

How dare anyone define Sexuality.
Human Nature is exactly what it is.
No borders. Desire without a compass.

Nature and what is natural to our being, our souls.
I feel I do not have to explain myself to anyone.
My definition can not be translated into a singular representation of my Gender.

But, I was aware I was ”different” when I was a Freshmen in High School.
But, at the age of sixteen, a single moment illuminated my duality as a Woman.

Now, I am a Motherless, Educated, Career Driven , Progressive Woman.

And that is fine by me.

” Now won’t you run and tell your boyfriend
Tell him don’t hold his breath for me
I got some money I was savin’
Got some hearts that I’ll be breakin’
Know someday they’ll make a martyr out of me
I know someday they’ll make a martyr out of me.

She’s so fine.

And I like sometimes to wave it high
Up where everyone can see
I’m a Lady
Got my mind made up
Got my mind made
I know I spend magic,
Reel it out
Try to hold a light to me
I’m a lady
Got my mind made up
Got my mind made up.

I like to watch the way the wind blows
What does it know that I don’t yet? Oh oh, look so pretty now,
You’re just so sweet
But see how far you can get
See just how far you can get.

She’s so fine.

And I like sometimes to wave it high
Up where everyone can see
I’m a lady
Got my mind made up
Got my mind made up
I know I spend magic,
Reel it out
Try to hold a light to me
I’m a lady
Got my mind made up
Got my mind made up.

And the dream’s all gone
And the dream’s all gone
No one said no,
No one said Make something with what’s in your head
And the dream’s all gone.
And I like sometimes to wave it high
Up where everyone can see
I’m a lady.”
Santigold

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