It’s been 2 Years.
I almost lost my life.
Recovery took 6 months.
I still had to educate since I’m not a Millionaire.
Moments, seconds of brain pain.
Hours of coma like sleep.
Night Terrors brought upon me with no escape.
Again, loosing so much time.
It took all of my strength to feed my animals.
I haven’t had a drop of anything.
72 Hours have passed from the two year echo.
I continue taking this medication, I will die.
But, I need a SNRI for my Fibromyalgia and Occipital Neuralgia(I’m not ready for
Brain Surgery just yet).
The ”What Ifs” are drowning me.
What is a SSRI?
Selective Serotonin Re-Uptake Inhibitors.
I take a SNRI
(Serotonin–Norepinephrine Re-Uptake Inhibitor).
”Norepinephrine may be related to alertness and energy as well as anxiety, attention, and interest in life; [lack of] serotonin to anxiety, obsessions, and compulsions; and dopamine to attention, motivation, pleasure, and reward, as well as interest in life.”  SNRIs work by inhibiting the reuptake of the neurotransmitters serotonin and norepinephrine. This results in an increase in the extracellular concentrations of serotonin and norepinephrine and, therefore, an increase in neurotransmission. Most SNRIs including venlafaxine, desvenlafaxine, and duloxetine, are several fold more selective for serotonin over norepinephrine, while milnacipran is three times more selective for norepinephrine than serotonin. Elevation of norepinephrine levels is thought to be necessary for an antidepressant to be effective against neuropathic pain, a property shared with the older tricyclic antidepressants (TCAs), but not with the SSRIs.”
Then, Why SSRI Syndrome?
Cymbalta mimics SSRI’s(like Prozac and Paxil) when in Discontinuation.
Is this pain worth it?
I am learning it’s not, but for almost two years, my mind has been clouded with Suicide.
The concept of Suicide.
The act of Suicide.
The memories of Suicide.
The art of Suicide.
*I did not reveal this sadness is due to a 3 year old conversation my Mother and I had.
She stated that she could no longer be available to my Depression since I was an adult.
And, If I felt that I needed help
i.e Psychiatric Ward/Institutions, she could not take me and deal with that anymore.
This in itself is a Side-Effect of Cymbalta.
But, my body is tormented by nerve damage, I kept taking this Drug.
April 7, 1998.
August 30, 1999.
August 25, 2010.
Dates of Suicide Attempt.
One keeping me away from High School and in the E.R. for 4 Days.
One sending me to a Private Mental Institution.
One that no one knew occurred as I let go before the hourglass was up.
So, now you know why.
This Drug can end me as it calms the waves of my fractured nerves.
I will never be healthy.
I will always suffer from Depression and PTSD.
But, I don’t want the thoughts and dreams of death by trying anymore.