This post is late by Central Standard Time, but I have lived in places where Time Zones are extinct. It is just the Sun & Moon.
So, why late? I spent the morning bedridden due to my Soft Tissue Tumor(Lipoma) that pushes on my Sciatic Nerve, therefore I could not walk with the sunrise.
I became avoidance during the day, cancelling my Therapy Session, and postponing my Cat’s Vet Appointment. Usually, this avoidance is followed by a sigh of Depression, but I forced myself to sleep.
*That is not a Typo-Sigh. I breathe in moments of satisfaction, but exhale with depression.
I did make it on time to my Boxing Session, and I threw up after an intense Training Exercise, but this experience made me happy.
But, feeling like shit is not what was on my mind today.
I have had 32 years of death by health, so I don’t pick apart that pain.
No, what was on my mind was Monogamy.
Monogamy: Something I am not good at (except when I was married).
Why is Monogamy still even exist, or why is it important enough that in reality, it mostly fails?
I lust being alone, yet when I find myself with someone, I beg to be with another.
Is this a form of a Social Disease? Or am I doomed because I am the Career Woman with no ambition for Family(I cannot have children-and I appreciate this more as I age).
Bored. This is my enemy. I have only found ONE man who could entertain my hope for Monogamy, and that ended due to his call to duty.
As I look ahead, especially from a Scientific Approach, I am definite I will never dance with the concept of Monogamy again. It is not a flaw nor failure I possess, but more of an unconscious choice. I truly feel Monogamy is unnatural and therefore is a prison for our souls.
If I cannot just be, then what motivation do I have as apart of the human race to sustain Monogamy?
My mind is cloudy as I fight sleep.
Chapped lips yearn for the Nestle water on my record cabinet as a broken down body searches for comfort in cotton cupcakes.
Monogamy aside-I know, even in dreams, I am not alone.