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Damper Weekend Two

Good Morning, Saturday.

I’m not very happy with you.

Again, more bad weather putting a damper on my Saturday Plans and being plowed-in.

And it’s not working.

My Father thought *(My Mother told him, have no clue why) that I have weeks off due to my Injury.

Um,

No.

I had to use MY Sick Hours.

My Father than confused felt bad, and said he would try.

I haven’t heard back yet and that was almost 45 minutes ago.

I know it doesn’t take my Father that long to “get ready.”

I had to call.

My Father seems apprehensive, but he said he will turn around if it’s too bad.

We got hit hard last Weekend, and this Weekend it’s more up North by my Parents.

As of now, we got maybe a few inches, still in a “Winter Weather Advisory” until 6p.m.

So, return to Weekend.

This was the first Friday Evening I spent on my own in two weeks.

I went to dream quite early, in hope that the Weather would cooperate and my body would get extra rest. *I watched (mostly) The Breakfast Club and Friday Night Television while trying to Clean Injured.

Woke a few hours in between in strange dreams that felt/seemed very real.

7:30 on the dot, I’m awaken to cold.

It was 49° inside.

Currently, my stomach is in knots. Not sure if it’s another round of the Virus or what, but I don’t feel well.

I’m really starting to feel like shit.

My Father is on his way.

So, I have a bit of time to hopefully get better enough(while I do Laundry and a quick Clean over)to do what we have to do.

Naturally, we would work and bullshit then take two breaks, but with the Weather, both of us not on our Game, I’m hoping for a few good hours.

Out Of Commission Vol. II

Good Morning Friday.

Day 3 Of Workers Comp.

I mean, I am using Sick Hours, but still.

I return to Work/Educate, Monday.

I’m in the “angry” phase now of what occurred on Tuesday Morning.

The Sidewalks should have been salted properly and the ER did not do a good job at Treating me *(with the exceptions of CT-Scans & X-Rays).

I’ve been down and out for 3.5 Days now, and I’m done.

I feel very tired, sick, hurt, angry, pain, and alone.

I ate last night. Really ate.

A Salad with a side of Homemade Queso.

I knew I would be sick the next day, but I needed something with Protein and Veggies.

Today, I will continue to rest and hope that the Weather allows my Father to come down and visit as Planned. *I have Laundry And Dishes. But, maybe later.

The World continues to move no matter what.

I’m tired of the continous set-backs in my Life.

And now, with multiple Injuries, it’s just another weight pushing me down.

I have been trying to write with positivity, but after last Weekend,

Then, Monday Night, then Tuesday Morning, and my Vehicle,

It’s too much.

Out Of Commission Vol. I

Good (Early) Evening. Wednesday.

When is the last time I posted on a Wednesday??

I’m thinking at least 7 months.

Why this earky evening?

Yesterday during my first part of my Split-Shift:

I Went To Grab Our Two Orange Cones And Bam, I Slid And Hit The Iced Sidewalk*(Sliding toward the curb) Harder Than A Mike Tyson Jab.
Luckily, I ‘Slid’ Into It From All My Years Playing Baseball And Like A Soldier Girl.
If Not, Head Cracked Right Open.

Conclusion:
1. Neck *(C2-C5 Neuropathy & Radiculopathy. Have Had Three Surgeries/Procedures
2. Back/Lumbar
3. L Wrist *(Broke Previously/Severely)
4. L Clavicle *(Broke In A Car Accident In 1999)
ALL On Impact, Internal Contusions
So, Wrist And Clavicle Are Heightened Due To Not Healing Properly From Former Injuries.
Neck, Is In Bad Shape Due To C2-C5.

But, No Broken Bones. *(Which, I’ve Had 9).
6 Hours In The E.R, No Pain Meds And No Pain Meds Prescribed.

Today, I tried to relax.

I couldn’t.

I just kept thinking about missing Work (again) *I was out sick 26-28 of December.

Also, in a lot of pain with no outlet.

I have tomorrow off too.

But, I’m devoting *(I word I think I literally have used less than a dozen times in my life), to resting/relax.

I have to.

It’s my only option after this atrocious Week.

The Weekend Shop

Good Afternoon. Sunday.

I tried shoveling again, and I became so sick, I literally couldn’t stand.

Disability.

My Co-Worker and her Friend got my Vehicle out, and I hope I can make it to work with no issues this week. *(Noone Plows the Alley, which is my point of entry). My Drive-Way is quite steep, so when I do pull in, I turn around in the Alley, but not now.

I am very thankful for the help.

I had a bit of a Break-Down today.

I’m tired.

Tired of things like this happening.

Tired of my Disability.

Tired of personal things.

I try my best everyday at my Work/Educate, as a Person, a Friend, Me.

But, I just feel beat-down.

And, I’m tired.

Yes, I thankful for everything I do have, but I have to Work so hard for it and with my Disability, it’s difficult. More so, but I’m not trying to throw a pity-party.

So, Sunday, my Anxiety Day.

I did complete my Sunday Routine before I rested.

I will be heading to good night in a few hours.

My Body needs it.

And, I need to prioritize my Life/Choices better.

Much better.

I’m running myself down, and I can’t.

So, I will watch the Series: The Menendez Murders, Erik Tells All again, relax, take Rx and prepare for a full week.

I am looking forward to next Weekend.

My Father is coming down to visit on Saturday.

And, I’m sure my Co-Worker and I will hang at her place *(She invited me for Dinner tonight, but my body just can’t).

So, end this Weekend with prioritizing choices and learning.

This Weekend was overall bizzare.

I haven’t spent the night *(outside my Parents) in 2 Years, Pushing Myself to the point of Collapse, Winter Weather causing havoc, ruining my only 1 Free Day, Saturday, and then today.

I am still adjusting to Plans. A-part of me still has my Guard up. But, why wouldn’t I?

My Soul is still mending.

Blizzard City

Good Morning, Sunday.

6:30a.m

Remembering, My Vehicle is still stranded/stuck behind my house.

Then,

7:30a.m to Cats wanting/needing Water, and remembering my Vehicle, so I text my Boss at 7:58a.m to let her know *(Since I Work/Educate Split-Shift and that means I am at Work at 6:15a.m).

I’m very angry about this.

First, I come home at 7:10a.m on Saturday *(Spent the evening at my Co-Worker’s Place), and I was beyond tired.

But, by Noon, I was up and at em.

Cleaning Heavy Duty, then Shoveling.

After all that, I decided to drive.

Bad decision.

I made it to the store that is literally viewable from my house, but due to my Neighbor’s Company, a Truck was parked too close and I couldn’t turn into my Drive-Way, which resulted in me stuck in an Alley for an Hour then stuck behind my Neighbor’s Parking.

So, my Saturday, ruined.

Now, Sunday, same.

How am I going to get to my Job?

And it’s supposed to snow again?

And I just figured out why it gets so cold in the house and why it takes 2 Hours to heat a small place, there is a large gap in the kitchen window.

Wonderful.

So, I have my Sunday Routine *(Laundry), try to see about this Window, and figure out how I’m going to get my Truck back in my Drive-Way that is already re-covered with massive Snow.

Not the way I wanted to begin my Sunday and end my Weekend.

Friendship With Time

Good Afternoon, Tuesday.

As I sit at my Teacher Table, I feel so sick, nauseous, pain.

Stomach Virus 2.0?

I don’t know, but I feel lousy.

But, I cannot withstand my insides anymore.

I have to let it out.

Last evening, I saw my oldest *(Time) Friend.

It had been over 4 years.

We have known eachother for 25 years.

It all started a Week ago.

He text me that he would “95% chance be in Springfield.” That’s 65 Miles South of me.

What are the odds?

He lives in Northern Wisconsin, 15 minutes from the Minnesota Border.

So, what is he doing in Springfield, an 8 + Hour Drive?

He confirms a day prior he will be in Springfield.

He tells me why.

I told him, I have to Work/Educate 9-6p.m, then had a Mandatory Staff Meeting after.

His own plans changed, and he was in my town, waiting for me.

As soon as I clocked out, I grabbed my Mobile and text to see where he was, he was parked at my Grocery Store.

I zoomed there *(not literally, but in my heart and mind).

Pulled up next to him and had him follow me to a Restaurant I knew/liked.

We got there within about 10-12 minutes, parked, and he was standing next to my Driver Door *(I was “Checking” Us in on Social Media).

I open my Vehicle door, and he hugs me so tight.

Ok, I’m 5’9″ *(a bit over) and I forgot how tall he was! (In ) *(I had to stand on my toes).

We enter the Restaurant/Pub and seat ourselves in a nearby booth.

We order Drinks, and just start talking.

Even though I was tired, not feeling my best, I was happy.

We ended up sitting there for almost four hours.

I knew that was a poor choice, I’m back to Working Split-Shift, which means 4:40a.m wake-up call.

We talked about everything, including why he was in Springfield, his current Life, his Family *(Whom I have not seen in 14 years. His Parents relocated to a small town in Georgia in 2005 due to his Mother’s Job. He was left behind. But, it forcrd him to finally be out on his own).

We talked about my Life, Work, why I moved.

And the Past.

It was like no time in-between had passed us *(The 4 year distance).

He seemed truly happy to see me.

It was hard to go, but we both had to.

Me, my return to Split-Shift, and him an Hour Drive.

On my Break, I called him to see how everything went, and he was already on the road to an 8 Hour Drive.

He sounded up-beat despite the facts of his day.

He also stated that he was happy we got to meet-up. He sounded happy, which made me sad.

Sad.

Deeply.

I missed him, I feel alone, so much has happened, and the 4 years that went by without meeting-up. *(His favorite words).

It’s overwhelming in a strangeness I don’t understand.

Seeing someone, like my Friend of 25 Years that I have not seen in 4 reminds me of who I used to be, and where I am at now.

That’s the infinite Sadness.

We joked about not letting another four years go by, and I had to go to return to Work/Educate. *(He wanted me to call him back, later, but I stated I couldn’t, I would be at Work until 6p.m as he would still be on the road).

I am happy we did get to Meet-Up, even just for moments in hours, but I am sad, disappointed in/with my own Life.

The Fruit Of Dreams: Final Act

Good Afternoon. Sunday.

I’m quite active with words today.

A lot circling my mind, running memories, anxiety, Sunday.

I am a bit bored due to my Disability.

Stuck in one place, my bed.

Nothing else to Clean. There is one load of Laundry to complete, but I don’t have enough Tide. *This Load will most likely have to wait until Thursday. When I can afford more Laundry Detergent. **Yes, I purchase the $1.99 Laundry Detergent too. I mix them, so I save money and still feel clean.***That was one Name Brand my Mother bought when we were Working-Class, Tide. She felt it was the best at keeping our Clothes nice and thoroughly clean. I even used “Tide” when I Worked/Lived in Asia. Powder Form, but Clothes were clean.****Growing up Working-Class, I recall all the Name Brands I never experienced, even to this very day. I have never had: Wonder Bread, Most Cereals, Fast Food Chains, Restaurants, and much more. I’ve had one Big-Mac in my entire life. I was Fifteen. *(Now, going on 15 years of living with Severe Celiac, those Products do not matter. I just find the concept and non experience amazing).

Name Brands.

I shopped at Dollar General this past Friday for the first time, meaning for products I usually purchase at a Grocery Store/Supermarket.

I bought

1. Soap

2. 1 Roll Of Paper Towel

3. Toilet Paper, 6 Pack

4. 2 Liter Sprite Zero

5. 2 Cans Of Wet Catfood

Total:

$6.09 before Tax.

It was strange to shop there.

But, it is my life now until Finances change. *3 Master’s Degrees and I make $23,040 a Year.

From 2016-Early 2018, $53,000.

Then, $27,840.

Now,

Pathetic.

But, that’s Life I guess.

But, I’m hopeful there is a Change/Raise in Pay soon.

Change.

I’m learning how to and hopeful for positivity.

Simplifying my Life is a major Change.

I feel I should not have to. With 13 Years As An Educator, All My Education *(7 Degrees in Total. And Over 25 Certifications), Experience, I should be able to live comfortably. I’m not even considering my Disability here. My Political Views/Party keep me on the path of being non-materialistic, but with hard work in both Education And Educating, we still believe in having a good living.

But, my reality has changed, so my dreams have to wait.